Priorities

Hello All! I'd like to use this opportunity to link my love of Pilates and creativity into the real world in which I live. I think it's important to respect yourself enough to be honest about what you need.

I have long since felt a conflict between how society encourages me to prioritize, versus my own personal needs, aspirations and desires. I became obsessed with the structured education system I was clay-formed around as a kid, achieving high academic success each year in hopes that I would excel through middle, high school and college, set to achieve my goals with relative ease. How hard could it be to become a professional after spending thousands of dollars and hours learning my ABC's over and over again?

It wasn't until the beginning of college studying to be a playwright that I realized I was subjugating my mental health, joy and even creativity, forcing myself to garner exclusively A's, sitting through four hour classes I struggled to complete without experiencing one or two panic attacks. My freshman year, I arrived to finish my Bachelor's degree with a backpack stuffed with depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsion--I made friends, got great recommendations, had a series or two of underwhelming relationships. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the atmosphere around them--carefree, a little bit of class work and a lot of their version of "fun."

I was spending my afternoons in therapy and my nights drinking, when I longed to be outside, to be active and adventurous. I developed a habit of ignoring my gut reactions, which are always truer representations of my feelings than my muddled mind could ever be. It wasn't until this year, when I realized I had love for so many things: Pilates, climbing, writing and more, that I decided I couldn't continue to punish myself within a system that made me feel bad about myself, in an atmosphere that was so opposite from anything I desired. I've always found I write so much more and produce more inspired work when I'm not confined to write in a certain way about certain things. I've valued aspects of my education certainly, and I have the debt to show for it--but, if I want to continue living with more joy and less depression each day, it is necessary to forge ahead in a direction my gut is most willing to go; I don't want to feel guilty for it, nor do I think anyone should for taking a leap of faith.

I encourage anyone to forge their own path, despite its unconventional groundwork or direction--being true to on own nature and needs only helps to bring you closer to yourself and treat others with the same compassion, time and respect you treat yourself with. I want to keep learning, writing, climbing, nature-ing and of course, Pilates-ing! 

Tease On and Follow Your GUT,

Ian